Imagine a box of chocolates. You take one, and decide a second would be ok. They taste wonderful, but you know that to eat three would be a little excessive. Still, no one will know…

Now imagine you eat the entire box, then several muffins, some buttered bread, a bowl of pasta and several bowls of cereal.The more you continue, the more powerless to stop you feel. Some bulimics will eat three or four loaves of bread in a night, along with a tub of ice cream and much more besides. They will vomit 50 – 60 times, causing painful stomach cramps and exhaustion. This is simply not the sort of behavior that can be corrected with a quick stern word about pulling yourself together.

The trouble is, this is only the visible side of bulimia. Far beneath these aspects there lies another story that is far more complex. The anxiety which triggers the bingeing and purging is also responsible for her feeling alone, isolated and helpless. If there is any addiction in the picture, this anxiety acts as a catalyst and makes everything far more intense.

The bulimic, or Group B individual chooses none of this. She likely inherits it. Many aspects of the causes of bulimia are proven to be hereditary. while not all bulimics suffer the extremes of the disease, all share the common trigger of anxiety. To understand what your children are going through, it’s worth considering some of the things that Group B people  have said during research:

“You see celebrities that have eating disorders and see how pencil thin they are. You think that all these do-gooders that tell you, “you are in danger and purging is counter productive and wrong, because you have seen the evidence in these celebrities you idolize and you think you have control.

You are not in control. You live on a high for a couple of months, you will lose weight, you will think starvation is the answer. You go down that road and you see where it leads, not only as an addiction, but you're weight will be harder to keep down than ever, you're fighting a losing battle.”

The disappointment in this woman’s words is self evident. It is a tragic response.

“The hardest part of the whole process for me has been admitting that I was bulimic and being able to talk about it. I still am struggling immensely with this part. I think that I find it so difficult because of the shame and negativity associated with the disorder. Many people thinks its disgusting to throw up and don't see how anyone could subject themselves to it regularly. But the physical act of being bulimic is the smallest issue of the disorder.”

Talking about her family, one Group B person said:

“Talk to the closest people in your life about it--especially family, and encourage them NOT to be uncomfortable to bring up the subject with you on a regular basis (asking questions, asking how you're doing etc.)  This consistence is imperative during the road to recovery.....I know this as my Mum was my confidante, and when I finally told her only a few short years ago, her regular support  helped me immensely.  However, she has since passed away and everyone else in my life is far too uncomfortable with the situation to ever bring it up (no matter how much I insist) and my recovery has unfortunately come to a screeching halt because of it.”

Because we know from our research that there are often difficulties with addiction in the family, sometimes a bulimic daughter gets little help from her parents. When alcohol is the issue, the ability of a parent is compromised. This is a tragic case of the parents addiction hurting the child as much as the parent. Much the same can be said of narcotics.

Bulimia has a genetic element without doubt. It is also largely the result of conditions and outside influence. All things considered it is hardly surprising bulimic girls feel so isolated. This is a disease an entire family has to confront. Saying ‘Stop doing it’ will have virtually no effect. The increase in anxiety will probably make it worse.

There are however things that you can do. The first is encourage your daughter to talk to yourselves, or an aunt or uncle who you think can help, or very importantly some of their friends.

It is highly unlikely that they are the only person they know that is bulimic.  They just may not realize they have friends that are bulimic, or may not know which ones have experienced this issue.

Getting good counseling is a good start (see our section on finding help), however you do need to know how to choose a counselor or therapist. Just going to ‘a psychiatrist’ is not the answer. Typically the role of a psychiatrist for bulimic clients is to talk for 20 minutes and then prescribe an anti depressant. If you have read this site carefully, you will know this has virtually no benefit whatsoever. It does nothing to address the underlying issues and effects no cure. The only time it may serve a purpose is when the person is in imminent danger of harming themselves or ather and needs to be committed – which is absolutely not typical bulimic behavior.

Discussing the causes of your childs anxiety honestly and openly is the best thing you can do. Doing so in a non judgemental manner is imperative, as the discussion should not increase anxiety. Teasing her and joking can often make this worse rather than diffuse the situation. If this is a difficult thing to discuss and you need a means to lessen the tension, get someone else in on the conversation. Expect to shoulder some blame (rightly or wrongly). Don’t be afraid of that. The objective is to move past this illness and allow your child to regain her health. You are almost certain to be involved in that process and should embrace it.